Glenbrien couple hope their
wedding plans can go ahead
by Louise McCarthy
A GAY couple living in Glenbrien have all the plans in order for their wedding day at the Sean Og Hotel, Kilmuckridge, but just one thing is missing, their legal right to marry.
On Friday, May 22nd, voters will be asked whether the Constitution should be changed so as to extend civil marriage rights to same-sex couples. The proposed amendment to Article 41 is the insertion of the line: “Marriage may be contracted in accordance with law by two persons without distinction as to their sex”.
Castledockrell native, Jimmy O’Brien has been in a relationship with Tony McCann for almost 20 years. They met on the internet and almost immediately started a relationship that has remained strong over the years.
However, Mr McCann, only openly came out as gay two months ago, he will be 42 years-old later this year. Dublin city born and reared, he moved to Wexford at about the age of 24, as his parents had relocated to the county. Not long afterwards, he met Jimmy and they began working at Treacy’s Hotel together. They remained working there together for some time before moving on to separate jobs in a variety of sectors. Mr McCann works as a security trainer in Dublin while Mr O’Brien is employed as a mobile phone retailer in Wexford.
Last January 20, he summoned up the courage to propose to Jimmy, and afterwards, disclose his long held secret to his parents.
“To my parents Jimmy and I had always been friends,. The time was never right to tell them. Telling my mother and father was the biggest thing for me. I was shaking like a leaf telling them. My father is in his eighties and my mother is in her seventies. They just said just ‘fine’. I told them I was gay and that I was getting married. I don’t know why I left it so long to tell them. I always knew they would be fine,” said Mr McCann.
His mother has her wedding outfit ready, the best men and best women have been chosen, and it is anticipated that they will have about 80 guests.
“I never thought I was gay until I moved down to Wexford. I had girlfriends when I was younger. My brother came out as gay at 14,my parents were bit shocked but they were okay with it, I still don’t understand why I only came out to them a few months ago,” said Mr McCann.
The couple said May 22nd will be a fateful day for them, as all their special plans will be a waste, if same-sex marriage is not voted on.
“It is sad, if it comes down to us, having to marry in another country. Since I came out as gay, I have started campaigning with the yes campaign, there has been a good public reaction. I am so much happier now that I am out publicly. There is a big weight off my shoulders. As my parents are getting older, I thought I can’t let them die without knowing that I am gay. We have never been openly affectionate, never held hands in public and never danced together, so the wedding will be interesting,” said Mr McCann.
Being gay was never a secret for Jimmy attending secondary school in Bunclody. He told his Catholic parents when he was about 15 and they offered him great support.
“Sometimes I got hassle for being gay and it wasn’t nice. I am still best friends with some of the people I went to school with. I got great support from my parents. I always knew I was gay and I never had any interest in girls,” said Mr O’Brien.
Although he was openly gay, it was never an issue for him that his partner kept their relationship a secret to his parents.
“ It was not an issue for me that he was staying quiet. I though that it would come when the time is right. My family knew, I had no secret. They treat Tony as part of the family and his family treated me the same. We did all the things normal couples do, going to family communions and confirmations and holidays together,” said Mr O’Brien.
The day finally came on January 20, 2015, when the couple were sitting on the couch in their home watching television.
“ The conversation about the referendum coming up spurred me on to propose,” said Mr McCann.
Contemplating the reason being gay is so difficult in Ireland, Mr McCann says that he does not lay the blame on the Catholic Church or the Iona Institute.
“I don’t think anyone is to blame, it is society itself. Although society has become more open. When my brother came out, it was a scandal, but people are saying to me, it is about time, when I tell them I am gay,” said Mr McCann.
The couple are quick to assert that same-sex marriage is not about children.
“It is just the definition of civil partnership. Why should a same sex couple be called civil partnership and not marriage. We don’t want children and just want to be treated like everyoneelse, saying that, we don’t have a problem with gay couples who want children,” said Mr O’Brien.
Fine Gael, Labour, Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin are all calling for a Yes vote. Beyond Leinster House, the key force on the side of reform is Yes Equality, an umbrella group incorporating the Gay and Lesbian Equality Network, Marriage Equality and the Irish Council for Civil Liberties.The Yes side also has the support of the trade union movement.
The most prominent opponents to date have been the Iona Institute, a religious think-tank, and Independent Senator Rónán Mullen. The organisational focal point for the No side is Mothers and Fathers Matter, a group set up to challenge parts of the Children and Family Relationships Bill, which was recently passed by the Oireachtas. By far the most influential voice on the No side seems to be the Catholic Church. A pastoral letter called The Meaning of Marriage was circulated to parishes around the country. Any church retains its right to marry whoever it wishes. The Marriage Bill 2015, which will be enacted in the event that the referendum is passed, explicitly states that priests or any other solemnisers will not be obliged to perform same-sex marriages. However, the Catholic hierarchy has recently suggested that if the referendum is passed, the church could itself opt no longer to perform the civil aspects of weddings. At present, the signing of the Marriage Registration Form, a document required by the State in order to recognise a marriage, is normally done after a wedding Mass. If the church decides not to allow this in future, on the basis that the State’s view of marriage differs so fundamentally from its own, couples would have to go elsewhere to have their union legally recognised by the State.
Civil partnership was introduced in Ireland in 2010 to give same-sex couples similar legal protection to married couples. More than 1,000 same-sex couples have availed of it. They enjoy extensive rights that are similar or identical to those of married couples in areas such as property, tax, social welfare, maintenance, immigration and pensions.
Some of the differences between partnership and marriage have been eliminated by the Children and Family Relationships Bill, notably those relating to adoption and guardianship. But Dr Fergus Ryan, lecturer in law at NUI Maynooth, identifies 21 differences that remain. For example, civil partners do not enjoy the protection the Constitution gives to the family. Nor are they entitled to a judicial separation and it’s not clear whether next of kin rules apply to civil partners. The most obvious difference is the name. Same-sex couples who formalise their union must go through a different process to opposite-sex couples; the State is saying that it regards them differently. Supporters of the referendum proposal say this is a chance to show generosity of spirit and secure equality for same-sex couples. Opponents say there’s nothing wrong with treating two types of union differently.
There will be no new civil partnerships after the Marriage Act comes into effect. Existing civil partners will retain that status and the rights, privileges, obligations and liabilities associated with it unless they choose to marry. Whether they marry is up to them. If they do, their civil partnership will be dissolved.
The Constitution does not define marriage. Nor does it specify who is entitled to marry and who is not. A Yes vote would not change the Constitutional status of marriage. In the absence of a constitutional definition, the Referendum Commission explains, the generally accepted common law definition of marriage is “the voluntary union of one man and one woman, to the exclusion of all others”. This definition has been adopted by the Irish courts on a number of occasions.
Up until recently, only a married couple or a single person (regardless of sexuality) could adopt a child. Some children in Ireland have been and are being raised by same-sex couples, though in such cases only one of the two individuals, in the eyes of the law, was the child’s parent. In recent weeks, however, the Oireachtas passed the Children and Family Relationships Bill. This major reform of family law allows civil partners and cohabiting couples who have lived together for three years to adopt. That will remain the case irrespective of the outcome of the referendum.
If the referendum passes, Ireland will become the first country in the world to approve a national referendum expressly guaranteeing same-sex marriage in its constitution. A number of other countries have introduced it via the courts or by parliamentary vote. At present, 17 countries (including France, Argentina, Denmark, Norway and Spain), as well as a number of US states, allow same-sex couples to marry.
